ABOUT ME PAGE FOUR

The next thing I know, we are headed for the hospital,
they want Pop to sign a paper so they can do an autopsy.
He thought it would be something that Mommy would want,
since they told us that it would help in finding out more about heart disease.

Me and Pop kind of did everything that the other people around us said to do.
We were the only two that didn't have somebody to lean on,
so we just stayed together.

We had the body taken back to Potosi,
of course,that is where Mommy would want to be.

I remember being in the funeral home sitting,
and somebody said "there's George".
He was living in California so,
he had flew back to Mo. for the funeral.
We hadn't seen him in a while.
I remember turning around and seeing his face as he stopped at the doorway.
He had this scared look on his face and he hollered out "Oh.... Ma".

We all lost it then...

We were at the funeral home for three days,
and then they took Mommy to the church,
and then to the cemetary.

After it was all over we all went back to the house.
I remember Bryan,Carol's little boy,
holding his hands behind his back,
walking towards Mommy & Poppy's bedroom and asking "Where's Grandma"?
Well, we all lost it again.
This sweet little boy and all the rest
that were there and the ones that were yet to come
would all lose out by not knowing their grandma.

Then everyday life came smacking us back to reality.
Pop went back to work and I went back to school.
The bad thing was that Mommy died on Thanksgiving day
and we were in vacation time from school
so when I went back, none of my teachers and most of the kids
didn't know that my mother had died.

Of course Bessie knew,
her parents & their whole family were at the funeral.
She had told our closest friends and they told me they were sorry.
But once they had said something, they kind of stayed away from me.
Looking back on it thirty three years later,
of course I know why they did but at sixteen I didn't.
I felt like the whole world and God had turned against me.
I was so mad at God, I told Him off every day for a long time.
I told Him, "How dare he take my mother"?
"Why hadn't he taken Pop if it had to be one of them."?
"I still needed Mommy."
That went on for awhile, my one sided "talks" with God.
Why were they "One Sided"?
Because I never stopped to listen for Gods words
to come into my heart like I usually did.
One day I finally sat down to listen to what God had to say.
This little voice inside of me remembered
that the Bible tells me that God can do good out of something bad.
He didn't make Mommy die but if I let him something good would come out of it.

I finally had some peace, oh, I still cried because I missed her but I wasn't mad at God any longer.

....More to come (Maybe)

This is out of sequence but I want to tell it anyway....

Bessie & I had been going to church every sunday morning & night
& every Wednesday night together ever since we were eleven years old.
Shirley always went with her friend, Mary.
Well, when we were about fourteen we didn't always go.
We sometimes went to the drug store/candy store to get a coke & hamburger.
We gradually got to where we would meet each other
on wednesday nights at the soda shop to talk & get a hamburger.
By the time we were 15 and 16 we were riding around in boys' cars.
No, it didn't seem wrong to us because we were "good" girls.
We liked to talk & more important (we didn't know at the time that it was), we love to listen to boys talk about their cars.
I had been going out with this one boy, Doug H.
He LOVED cars and he loved telling me about them.
Well, one Sunday night we were in his car talking (kissing too), I didn't know what time it was & neither did Doug.
I had a watch but I was allergic to the band & kept it in my purse.
When I went home, Mommy said, "Sheila, is that you?" I said "yes".
She said "Do you know what time it is, where have you been"?
I said "I was at the preacher's house, they had a youth meeting".
She said "At this time of night?" She said "Tomorrow I want you to get me a signed statement from the preacher's wife,(she was also my study hall teacher at school) saying that you were at their house till now".
I thought, "wow, what is wrong with Mommy, she always believes me" but I said "OK".
I hurried up and went into the bathroom
telling Mommy I had to go real bad.
I got in the bathroom & turned the light on & looked in my purse for my watch and saw the time.
It was 2:30 AM....
I looked in the mirror and said "Oh God what am I going to do now"? It was like God said real fast "Tell the truth". I looked in the mirror again half expecting to see Him.
I said "Oh,no I can't do that, Mommy will kill me".
He said again, "tell the truth".
I trusted God so much that I went to the bedroom door and said "Mommy"? She said "What." I said without taking a breath. "Mommy, I been lying to you,I been lying to you for a long time now.
I ain't been to church tonight, I been sitting in a car with Doug H.
He's a nice boy, we like to talk, that's all.
Some Sunday & Wednesday nights I go to the Drug store or with Doug in his car.
I just don't want to lie anymore."
Mommy sat there on the side of the bed, Poppy snoring up a storm.
Momy said "Sheila, from now on there won't be no more church at night time for you.
You will ride the bus to and from school".
You will only walk to church on Sunday mornings & to the grocery store when I tell you."
I said "OK".
Then she said one last thing.
"We will never talk about this ever again".
We never did either.

I didn't know then what I do now but,
I think the reason that Mommy didn't ever want to talk about it was, that it hurt too bad.

If she was disappointed in me she never showed it.